Making mommy friends is hard

Today I’m getting ready because friends are coming over for dinner. We’re having pulled-pork sandwiches (recipe follows), roasted veggies and a salad. My friend is bringing dessert. As I was getting the house ready this morning, I got to thinking about how difficult it can sometimes be to make mommy friends, and I think I have nailed down part of the reason why.

It feels a lot more comfortable to not only be friends with other moms that you like as women, but also when they have the same parenting style as you do. At least I have found this to be the case. Because when another mom has children that are older than yours, she invariably is compelled to give you advice. But even well-meaning advice can be annoying if you just know that you’re not going to take it. And often when “mommy advice” is rejected, I have noticed that the other mom seems to sometimes get defensive. This is of course natural. I think almost all women have a question in their minds as to whether they are really doing this mommy thing right. And when someone else rejects the way you do things, you might wonder if they are tacitly saying to you, “no, you’re not doing it right and I don’t want to be like you.” Or women react the other way to their advice giving, “oh you silly dear, you think that you know better than me. Well, fine, don’t take my advice or you will be miserable.”

In general I want my daughter to spend time in the homes of other families who have similar rules that we do so she knows what to expect, and also so the rules that we have are enforced (of course, she’s only 10 months now but in the future this is important.) For example, kids having good manners is really important to me. If I notice that another mom just lets her kids run wild and doesn’t require them to treat adults or other kids with respect, I’m not very inclined to send my daughter over there for a playdate.

This is a difficult thing because it can lead to hurt feelings. Of course I don’t want my daughter to spend her entire life with only people like us. People do things differently and it’s good for her to learn that, but I think mainly when she’s old enough to kind of evaluate the differences, and so we can discuss why we do things the way we do.

Have other mommies run into this? Are you less inclined to become family friends with women who have very different parenting styles than you do?


Pulled Pork Sandwiches

  • 3-4 lb butt pork roast (preferably bone in but I couldn’t find one so I used boneless)
  • 1/3 C Worcestershire sauce
  • 3/4 C brown sugar
  • 1/2 C apple juice or apple cider
  • 1 onion, sliced thinly
  • 1/2 tsp salt

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Pat pork dry with paper towels and place in a heavy pot (I used my dutch oven.) Rub all over with Worcestershire sauce. Pat brown sugar over the top of the pork and pour juice or cider around roast. Add onions around roast. Cover and place in hot oven. Turn oven heat down to 300 degrees.

Roast for 3-4 hours, turning roast over halfway through cooking time. Pork in done when it easily falls away from bone. Remove from oven and add salt.

Let stand for 15-20 minutes. Remove roast to platter, using forks pull apart and shred meat to desired size. Add onions and mix together. Either add back into cooking vessel or spoon juice over meat on platter to keep moist.

This can be served as sandwiches, eaten alone, whatever you prefer. You can also make this in a slow cooker. For an insanely decadent breakfast, make pulled pork eggs benedict, or add onto a fried egg sandwich. Heaven.


One thought on “Making mommy friends is hard

  1. I think you’ve really hit the nail on the head, here. It can also be difficult when you meet women because your children are friends, but then they get older, and the friendship fades away. Or, heaven forbid, there’s actually some kind of falling out–things can really become uncomfortable then! In general, I think of my mommy-friends as my comrades in arms–we do have similar approaches to child-rearing, and they understand when there’s just not a lot of time for “female bonding.”

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