I miss my dad.

My father passed away five years ago this past February, and I have been missing him a lot lately. I think it’s mostly because I am a memories person, and I loved reliving memories when driving past different places in Pgh. That’s the bookstore that dad used to take me to after every dentist appointment, that’s where dad worked, he took me to lunch there to meet some of his colleagues when I was considering going to law school, etc. For me, going to all of these places was comforting because I could really feel like he was still with me. Since we moved to TX I haven’t been able to do that. Sure, there are lots of things in my house that remind me of my dad, pictures, the chairs he painted for me when I moved to my first apartment, etc. but it’s different. Being in this new place removed me from where I spent my time with my dad. And it’s really hard. When I’m in Pgh it’s almost like he is still there with me, but here he’s just gone. And I know that’s not logical, but it’s how I feel.

Probably this is heightened because of my daughter. I never imagined that she would grow up not knowing my father. My dad’s dad passed away before I was born and I never knew him. What’s worse nobody ever talked about him much, so I don’t even know much about him. I really don’t want that for my daughter. My dad was such a special person and he loved kids and it just breaks my heart that my daughter won’t get to have him in her life.

Family is so important to me, and I hate the fact that we are living so far away from both of our families. My husband’s parents don’t live in the US, and we get to see them about once a year. Some people will surely think I’m being silly when we live just two relatively short plane rides away from most of my family, but I don’t care. People will say that the important thing is that we (my hubby, myself, and my daughter) are together. And I agree but I think it’s kind of bs. I feel so blessed that my husband found this job, because we would have been in a difficult position as our daughter got older if he was still in his former job. I am grateful for his job and I am happy that he likes it. I just wish I could have everything I wanted as far as living near family. Is that too much to ask? 🙂

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