“All you need is love.” Everyone loves to say it. Really at the end of the day, it’s all you need and it will get you through everything. I beg to differ, especially when it comes to marriage.
The perfect example: Kim Kardashian. In defense of her ridiculous marriage to Kris Humphries, Kim said that they were just following their hearts and were so in love that they didn’t bother to work out the details of their lives after their wedding. Things like, you know, where you are going to live with your spouse after the wedding are insignificant compared to what flowers are going to grace the tables at your reception. Of course, it seems that this was more of an infatuation than true love, but I’m using her words.
To me this perfectly illustrates the problem with how marriage is viewed in our society. All you need is love. Being so in love makes all of those little pesky life details disappear into the mist and everything will be roses for the rest of your life. Not true. Marriage is about so. much. more. But people are in such a rush to get married and capitalize on their mushy feelings that they don’t consider really important things. Important things like whether the person I’m about to marry have the qualities that would make them a good spouse or parent.
Marriage is serious, and it should be serious. You are pledging to each other and to God to honor each other (and only each other) for the rest of your lives. Not until I learn that you don’t want to _______, or you don’t think _________ or until I no longer feel roses blooming when I look at you.
Obviously if you are getting married you should be in love. I’m not trying to say that it’s silly that people want to get married when they love each other. I am saying that love is the foundation for your relationship, but you also must respect and trust each other. You should admire each other. You should inspire and want to make each other better. You should look at your future spouse and know that they will be an excellent parent.
Step back and look at your future spouse as objectively as you can. If you were another person, would you like him? If he was dating your friend, would you tell her to dump him? Does he treat you well? Does he try to control you? Does he bring out the best in you? What are the qualities that he has that will make him a great spouse/father?
Marriage is hard. Life is hard. You need a spouse who will grow and develop with you through all of life’s changes and difficulties. You need a teammate. You need someone who loves and respects you. You deserve a great marriage relationship, and you need to find someone who will make that a reality.
Don’t get married because it’s the next step. Don’t get married because you want to “be married.” Get married because yes, you’re in love and you know that you are going to be married to a fantastic man with great qualities who will support you (not just financially or course, I’m talking emotionally here). Love is important, but respect, trust, fidelity, and honesty make the marriage.